why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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