it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
