Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
