She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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