why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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