Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
