i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
