so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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