You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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