Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
