What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
