Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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