we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
