I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My liver just broke up with me...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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