How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
