i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize