oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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