we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize