tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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