she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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