You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
