Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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