just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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