We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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