Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
