apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
