I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
