I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
