I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
