dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
