New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
