my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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