did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
