maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
