Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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