Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
