After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
