Umm I'm too high to move.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
