Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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