i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
