I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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