yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
