I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
