Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize