so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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