i already hear my dad disowning me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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