we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
