It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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