I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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