did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
