i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
