how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
