last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
