I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
