My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
