I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
