Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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