; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
