Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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