Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
