And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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