gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize