so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
